A few more thoughts on parsing "husband", "marriage", and "in-laws" (or "in-loves"). I talked about how my husband and I refer to each other, and how we refer to our "in-laws". It's also interesting to look at how our in-loves refer to us. The occasion doesn't often arise in our presence, but every once in a while we get a glimpse. I can remember one time visiting our niece and nephew. That is, my husband's niece and nephew. Since our marriage, I like to think of them as my niece and nephew too, but at the same time, it always felt a bit presumptuous, since they've grown up their whole lives with my husband as their uncle, and I didn't show up on the scene until they were in college. Our niece was on the porch as we walked up to her house, talking on the phone to a friend. As we drew closer, we could hear her say "Oh, I have to go now, my uncles are here." I was very touched to hear her refer to us as "my uncles". Yet that's exactly as it should be, isn't it?
There was another occasion when my husband and I were out with my parents, and they had occasion to introduce us to someone. I remember thinking to myself, "oh, I'm really curious to hear what Dad says here. Will he say 'husband'? Or 'partner'? Or just 'friend'?" We've certainly wrestled with the "how do I introduce my husband" issue, but we'd never seen my parents deal with it before. But Dad introduced us in a way we hadn't expected. He simply said, "These are my sons." And he deeply means that. He's said on a number of occasions of my husband, "he is my son too." We were very touched when he said that. But again, that's exactly as it should be.
Monday, July 11, 2005
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