The Singular They

Merriam-Webster’s word of the year for 2019 was “they”, as a pronoun for a person of nonbinary gender. For me, it’s only recently, well into 2020, that I’ve noticed it cropping up. I first noticed it reading a Washington Post story last week, and a few days ago it caught my ear for the first time on a This American Life podcast. I have to admit that I found it a bit jarring, but it wasn’t the gender that threw me so much as the number. The stories were talking about a specific person, so when the pronoun “they” was used, I was momentarily confused. Who all were “they”? Admittedly, nonbinary persons are unfamiliar ground for me, but I’m sympathetic and have no objection to the concept. As a cisgender gay man, I’m quite comfortable with “he”, and also comfortable with a camp “she” to playfully refer to cis males. But even gender-bending depends on a binary view of gender, so for those who feel themselves alienated by the whole binary construct, I can see why they would want to distance themselves from “him” or “her”. The only admittedly very small taste I’ve had of the experience of being misgendered was trying to pick out a song for my wedding that wasn’t singing about “him and her”. (We chose “I’ll Cover You” from “Rent”.) So I understand why a nonbinary person would want to use “they”. It’s the grammar I’m struggling with. This is a singular “they”, so should we be saying “they is”? (That sounds wrong on multiple levels.) Happily for grammar pedants like me, Merriam-Webster had a very helpful article on this very issue. They noted that the pronoun “you” was once exclusively plural (with “thou” being the second person singular), but has evolved to serve as singular or plural, so that today we don’t think twice about speaking or hearing “you are” with one person in mind. Even though “are” is technically the plural form of the verb, there you are, dear singular reader, that doesn’t hurt at all, does it? Though “they” isn’t quite there yet, there’s no reason it can’t be. Moreover, it’s been heading in that direction for centuries. Even before Shakespeare, “they are” has filled in for non-specific singular referents. For example, “no one is truly free if they are imprisoned by their grammar”. The “they” in that sentence is perfectly singular, and the “are” is perfectly natural. It’s not jarring in this context to map “they are” onto “no one is”. The same thing works for singular corporate referents, as in “Apple is working on a new iPhone, which they are planning to roll out in September.” Interesting side note: my Irish friends use plural verbs with corporate entities, as in “Google are launching a new smartphone”. That was jarring to me when I first heard it, but I eventually got used to it, and now sometimes I even say it myself. Language evolves to meet our lived experiences. We can learn and adapt (even an old grammar pedant like me). I’ll experience some discomfort with the “misnumberedness” of the singular “they”, but my discomfort will be a small act of solidarity with those who feel profoundly misgendered by “he” and “she”.